About Owen

Owen, a.k.a. Xavier Ignacio Andrés Yochkov Ian Nanguo (or Xia Yin for short), was born on an obscure island in the middle of Pacific Ocean 2 weeks after his parents' plane crashed during a family trip to the South Pole. Miraculously unhurt, his parents swam 47 kilometers and were eventually rescued by an ugly mermaid who later taught their son the occult language of Poseidonian which to date has had 7 speakers, Owen included.

Owen's parents had been truly optimistic about being saved some day throughout the entire 8 years stuck on the island, but at the end of the 8th year, they decided it was time to give their son some formal education apart from Owen's abundant knowledge of those exotic plants and insects.

The family sailed across the misty ocean on the back of the aforementioned mermaid in spite of her violent objections. 7 days and 7 nights later, they reached South China Sea but sailed on until they disembarked in Shanghai. The family thanked the mermaid profusely before selling her to a renowned local museum.

Ullaluk akmak was the last Poseidonian expression Owen heard from the mermaid. He was perplexed by the her passionate body language. He thought she wanted to pee but the museum guys wouldn't let her. He had no idea what she was screaming about because all he could speak in Poseidonian were akkumak which means coconut and akkumak akkumak which means get lost.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) the mermaid successfully broke out of the museum many years later after watching a popular American TV series starring someone named Wentworth (and went worse after season 1).

Owen's parents lied about their son's real age by filing his identity record with their arrival date as his birthday. Owen knew better. His real birthday was February 30th, 1984 and because of that no kindergarten or primary school was willing to enroll him.

Owen had to learn all by himself from a thick stack of porno magazines stolen from his neighbor. He fervently devoured this eclectic material and acquired an amazing set of vocabularies, drawing skills and anatomical knowledge.

Unfortunately, Owen was never good at math and could only study computer science later on. Approximately 15 textbooks, 150 beers and 1500% more nearsightedness later, Owen thought he'd had enough. He then went on to travel the world in search for the mermaid. If they meet again some day, Owen would like to say to her: akkumak akkumak akkumak.